I feel really uncomfortable, and I know that's OK, but it's well....uncomfortable.  I'm exhausted.  I've been too tired to get ready for bed for 4.5 hours now, and have had 2 meals since then.  And I have to be honest.  the second one came a little too soon after the first, and they were both a little compulsive.  I don't know what I'm trying to hide from...fear of new experiences and of same old routine; fear of overexcitement and of boredom...it sounds like i'm having fear about either extreme, but am uncomfortable being in the middle.  I'd rather be afraid and excited on an extreme than bored and uncomfortable in the middle, but the middle is what I'm seeking - balance.  As much as I know it's good and necessary for me, I don't like it.  I think i like the results that are produced by balance ... maybe? but i'm not sure.  it all sounds so medium and average.  I'm just too tired to think right now.  maybe i'll actually go to sleep now.  i sure need it.