rational though...what!?

so i just had the most absurdly, uncharacteristic, rational thought...I was craving something to eat.  I was imagining all the possibilities for my next meal.  I had been fantasizing about it since I finished eating my last meal.  It was almost time finally, but nothing seemed like enough.  If I planned out the perfect meal, then I would come up with something entirely different that I simply had to have that wasn't any better...just different.  but then I would feel deprived of the first idea...I knew I could manage choosing one, eating it, and stopping, but would I really even enjoy it?  I realized that I would spend the entire meal fretting about how I would feel when I'd taken the last bite, and had nothing left.  I wouldn't enjoy any of the bites in between.  what could I do?  "Maybe if I write for a little while before my meal, I'll be less compulsive, make a healthier choice, and enjoy each moment of it more anyway."  Wow!  where did I get that!?  I don't know, but I'm doing it.  I had wanted to eat in front of the movie that just came on netflix: "the 5 people you meet in heaven".  I was gonna zone out, and not be present for any of the meal.  I think I want some time to zone out, but it will be more satisfying if I'm not eating while I'm doing it.  I can't decide if I want to eat in front of the movie or not.  I really have a problem with eating while doing nothing.  I always want to have something else going on...checking e-mail, talking to people, reading, or of course watching tv.  I've actually been doing good with that during breakfast.  I do pretty much nothing while i eat breakfast.  I say my mealtime prayer...and pay attention to my fullness.  I don't do that with my other meals.  I load my plate, and eat until it's gone.  It's always a fairly reasonable portion size, but it's certainly not mindful eating.  I really don't want to do that for dinner!...i mean i do.  I don't want to have to stay conscious while i'm eating!  but hmmm...i guess it's a tradeoff...I can tune into my body, shut out the distractions, and actually enjoy my meal, or I can put my mind elsewhere, disconnect, and miss out on the enjoyment of eating.  I don't think I ever really made the connection between the enjoyment of a meal, and being present and conscious for it.  That's probably because what I was craving was not the food- it was the time to check out and disconnect.  Perhaps if I promise myself time to check out in front of the movie with some nice bottled water or hot tea, I can be present for my meal...I do want to do that...but I still want to have some distraction in front of me.  I just feel like eating without multi-tasking is such a waste of time.  or is that just an excuse?  I can't quite wrap my mind around it yet.  But if I actually do this- if I sit down in the stillness, and eat my dinner, this will be the hugest example of contrary action know to me. 

 I don't want to do it.  Now that i've considered it, eating without the movie in front of me...just being there with me and the food...sucks all of the fun out of it.  I still get credit for contrary action just for writing before my meal, right?  Maybe I could make my dinner, bring it outside, and have the first few bites out there.  then if it's not satisfying, I can bring it inside and watch the movie while I finish it.  I'll even get the movie started and paused right at the beginning so that all i have to do is come in and sit down.  I think i can do this.  I want to take a few minutes to pray for the willingness, or something, then I'll go prep my meal.