Just For Today

Just for today, I'm going to surrender control of my workouts, training, and exercise routine to my coach.  I couldn't do it yesterday, because I was not being present.  I was thinking about how I couldn't possibly commit to following orders for a full 1-2 years.  I was terrified and stressed out.  I cried a lot.  And I used the phrase a lot before, but it never made sense to me.  If I couldn't commit to do it for a lifetime, what was the point?  That seems like such a silly way of thinking now!  I don't have to worry about the rest of the week or the month or even the week, thank goodness, because I couldn't do it!  But I can do this day, and in this day, I will have peace, and will be taking great strides in my recovery.  Never before have I willingly surrendered control of something I cared about, and this is the thing I care the most about.  It's so important for me to try it.  I prayed about this.  I couldn't make a decision.  Follow the rules, or do it my way?  I desperately needed the benefits that come with following the rules, but I couldn't make the necessary sacrifices.  I prayed to know God's will for me, and for the willingness to do it.  And tonight, I realized that at least for a day, I want to do whatever my coach tells me.  It just came out of nowhere!  I think that is so rad. 

 (oh-and I still feel like such a dweeb saying things like "I prayed" and "God's will"... I've always been so anti-religious....ummm more on that later.  I need to go to sleep.)