-I always think I'm not enough, so I expect everyone else to think the same thing if they know what I really am...if they know the truth. I won't lie about what I am, but I stress the future, and what I have the potential to be. I try to draw all focus away from where I am right now, so that you will see me for what I can be. Hopefully, then, you will overlook the fact that I'm not there yet. If I am excited about where I am now, I'm afraid that you will know how much of a challenge it was for me to get there, and will know that this is me, at my best. I want you to think that this is just a little stepping stone in the middle of some down time, and normally I'm much better than this. 9 months is nothing, because I'm going to have 20 years someday. I'm really on a 20 plus year abstinence...only I'm 9 months into it. who can get excited about 9 months when you know that you're bound for so much more? I want you to see me for how recovered I'm going to be, because I don't think I'm enough...no matter where I am. And if I were at 20 years now, cool. that would be super long and extraordinary, but I would brush it off as "just another year", because I couldn't give myself that victory either. It's not about how big or small the victory is. It's about my attitude towards it. Kinda like birthdays...
So my contrary action is to accept this as a great achievement without minimizing or criticizing it in any way. I will share it and brag about it at all of my meetings, and own my recovery. I may even lead a meeting tomorrow...since my leader flaked out, and didn't even tell me!!! ugh. acceptance.
I've been feeling much much better today. making phone calls and staying connected to friends makes a big difference in my life. i'm tired, and i need to sleep . good night.
