Slip? Uh oh.

Ya know, you'd think after that last little revelation, things would have picked up, but i had a kinda strange reaction.  I threw up.  It wasn't really intentional.  My stomach was hurting, and i kept burping violently, but i had to get ready to leave to lead a meeting.  I was so uncomfortable going to lead a meeting after the kinda excessive emotional eating I had done earlier that day, but I got up and started trying to move and work some of the air and crampiness out of my stomach.  I was in the shower, and these burps were just exploding out of me.  I kept massaging my stomach to try to help work stuff out.  I twisted, and bent, and leaned over, and opened my mouth, and threw up.  I stood up in a little bit of shock, and debated whether it was OK.  What if I leaned over again?  I threw up a significant amount 2 more times in the next minute.  I didn't force it.  I just leaned over and burped, and allowed my body to get rid of some of the crap that was upsetting my stomach.  I felt better, but I knew there was a lot more that I could get out if I tried.  Suddenly the fear struck me, and I cried.  I finished my shower and dried off.  My stomach still hurt, and I knew it wouldn't be hard to throw up if I actually tried, but I don't do that anymore.  And it didn't feel like it used to.  not at all.  I used to make the decision to throw up halfway through, or even before the binge.  This time, there was no decision.  There wasn't even really a binge.  At no point during my extended snack did I say to myself "well, I already blew it, might as well keep going."  There was a point where I thought i might be full, and I waited a few minutes, but not feeling any discomfort, I chose to eat more.  When I finished eating, I became slightly aware of some minor discomfort from fullness.  This is very different from the old binges where I used to continue eating even after I felt like I was going to explode, and try to stuff more in so that I could throw up.  This time, I recognized minor discomfort, closed up the unfinished package, and put it in the cupboard.  Only later did it churn my stomach into terrible cramping.  the throw up was accidental, and not until 3 hours later after I made phone calls, took a nap, did some writing...my next meal was a little late, because my stomach still hurt, but I'm pretty much back to normal life.  I feel a lot better having written about it. coming clean.  and i'm starting to feel really excited to see the guys at work tomorrow.  I've been stressing about it so much that I forgot how much fun i'm going to have!  I love my job, and being challenged, and i love these guys.  I look up to them soooo much, and they're so good at what they do, and at teaching.  If I can't do something, I'll get to learn.  It's actually really really exciting.