Love Letter to Me

i was right.  I'm really really tired.  I can tell by how quickly my mood swings.  I was totally out of it until the brake in our meeting tonight when I got to connect with some people, and immediately everything was wonderful.  Little things were hilarious, and I was on a pink cloud for like 3 minutes before I felt weepy, and by the time I walked out I was about to cry again.  I thought I had a lot to share about, but thinking is so hard right now.  my head aches.  I delayed my 2nd meal today until the latest end of the acceptable time range according to my food plan.  It was an akward morning, and I had to stop in the middle of my workout to eat.  I was craving it, and it was time.  I went back to finish my workout, and just didn't want to.  I had other things to get done, and I knew i was tired anyway.  I felt pretty guilty about it, and was further aggrivated when my instructor made a snyde remark about how he does his workout all the way through.  He can't just stop to eat in the middle.  I told him I didn't like doing it that way either, but today i had to.  I'd been really wanting to do a hard ab workout, but couldn't do it then.  I'd have to save it for later.  I was going back to the gym in the evening anyway.  That's when I found the flat tire, and had my little temper tantrum again.

I'm struggling with my knee.  I think it's swollen again.  One doctor says don't bend it past 90 degrees or do any impact whatsoever.  The other says to stretch (bend as far as possible) for an hour every day.  It hurts to ride my bike and motorcycle right now cuz it's really stiff, and I'm afraid of tearing it again, but I don't know how else to get to meetings.  I hate asking for rides.  I hate being a burden.  I need to go to sleep.  But I promised Karen I'd write myself a love letter tonight, and since I totally don't want to, I know it'll be good for me.  Ugh.

Love Letter to Me:

Dear Me,

You are so freakishly awesome, it's not even funny.  Your incredible abilities, intelligence, determination, and adorable personality shine with a light so warm and bright, no person, circumstance, or eating disorder can hide it.  You overcome incredible adversity with grace and dignity.  You dance to the beat of your own drum, never compromising what you believe to fit in with the crowd.  You are driven to excellence at whatever you choose to do, and always choose what you love.  You fearlessly follow your passion, and courageously search your soul to truly know yourself.  You maintain the highest integrity you are capable of, and work constantly to bring it to an even higher level.  You reach out to others, listening, teaching, sharing, loving, and caring.  You love.  You are loved.  You are an inspiration to many people, and leave a mark on everyone who gets even a glimmer of the real you.  You are so honest, and self aware, so willing to learn and improve.  Your list of accomplishments is breath-taking.  You're beautiful and talented, and that's just the beginning.  You're humble enough to admit powerlessness, and practice acceptance of Life on Life's terms.  You maintain a positive hopeful attitude that is remarkably refreshing in a jaded world.  You have faith in life, people, and a higher power, and are brave enough to turn your will and life over to that power...or at least begin to practice doing so.  You are so fun, so adventurous, so creative, daring, eccentric, lovable, sweet, cute, tough, strong, amazing!, flexible, energetic, honest, moral, generous, kind, silly, focused, powerful, intense, passionate, and and....YOU.  you are so YOU.  and that's why you're loved.  That's why you're great.  And even though forget it frequently, it's always true.  The more you remember that, the more brightly your light will shine through.  As you continuously grow into a more fully actualized person-100% authenticly you, that light will be nearly blinding- undeniable and irresistable.  Trust in yourself.  Believe in you.  You can do ANYTHING.  You've got everything it takes.  All you have to do is let go.  I love you.