I don't know what I need to write, but I think I need to.  I am feeling a little overwhelmed.  I have a ton of errand type things to do.  changing phone plans, checking health insurance, dentist, apts, and my new agent just gave me a ton of homework.  I was frustrated in class today.  I don't mind being injured that much when I'm given other things to do.  When I get my own little assignments, so that I feel like I'm still making progress, but today, they all did things that i really can't safely do.  I mean, I could, and I wanted to, but I can't seem to do anything halfway, so I ended up going a little too far, and had to just stop all together before I actually did damage.  

I know what i'm self conscious and upset about now.  I didn't stick to my food plan today.  I feel like I overate at 2 meals today.  Nothing serious, and I may have actually needed that much food.  I'm not sure, but instead of setting it out on a plate, I decided to eat one thing for lunch, but snacked on another while I was preparing the meal.  the snack turned into something large enough to qualify for a meal in and of itself, and then I ate the planned meal anyway.  I brushed it off and didn't worry about it.  Tonight, however, I planned on having my fruit and cottage cheese mixture for dinner, but changed my mind, and had a leftover salmon and veggi omlette "instead".  I left myself the option to have a little something else if I wasn't satisfied after the omlette, which already violates the food plan.  In order to protect myself from eating compulsively, I place everything I plan on eating in front of me before I begin.  I don't have to finish it, but if i want the option to eat it, it has to be out, measured, and on the plate before I begin.  but it wasn't.  I left it wide open, and after the omlett, I though I might be physically satisfied.  I wasn't sure, but I was sure that i wanted something more, and that I had said I could have something else.  So I made a big bowl of the cottage cheese mixture.  It was compulsive, and that was 2 double meals in one day.  I'm not beating myself up about it, but I did say a prayer before bed for the willingness and ability to return to the safety of the food plan.  Maybe it's good that I'm getting the confidence to attempt independence from the food plan and more reliance on intuitive eating, but I think i got ahead of myself, and that's dangerous.  I don't think I'm quite ready, but I learned from the experience, and 2 semi-large meals are not going to make me fat.  I don't know how to spell omlate. what the heck.

i'm still feeling a little disconnected too.  I want stronger more consistent ties to my friends and mentors.  I want to be more present and connected to people I love.  I'm feeling that spiritual hole.  Maybe that's why i was eating kinda crazy today.  I guess that means I pray more, right?  eh-  ok.  I'll try it.