uuuuuughhhhhhh!!!!! i am so extremely uncomfortable right now.  I just feel like screaming, and beating my hands against something.  I don't know who i'm madder at right now.  This stupid weirdo guy or myself.  Probably myself.  He totally doesn't understand what he's doing that is frustrating me so much, and I'm the one who's allowing it to get to me.  I was already kinda disgruntled this morning, cuz I stayed at a friends house overnight, and since I was out of my usual setting and routine, I forgot to pray before bed AND when I woke up.  I came home, and spent almost 2 hours journaling and praying just to recenter myself.  Then I had the meal that I had been planning for myself a couple hours before when I couldn't stop obsessing about it, so it was a planned meal, well within the bounds of my food plan, though not the healthiest choice.  It is one of the least healthy meals I allow myself on a regular basis, but I really like it, so when I'm craving it, I eat it.  It hasn't ever really gotten out of hand, so I'm usually OK with it, but sometimes eating those breaded chicken tenders does stress me out a little.  As I was walking inside to cook them, my neighbor came outside, and I thought it would be a good recovery idea to bring my lunch outside to be with company and socialize while I was eating.  Isolating during meals isn't really a good idea, right?  So I came out with some light reading material and my chicken tenders, and my neighbor instantly comes over to talk about my food.  awesome.  and yes- this is the same neighbor who offered me some chocolate the other day, tried to justify its nutritional value, and then asked me "how many pounds you are?"  yeah-there's a language barrier.  So today, he brought up the chocolate from our last conversation, and then moved on to comment on my body and musculature.  It was generally complimentary, but I was getting really tense, and didn't want to be thinking about my body.  Especially if he was going to talk about how he lost 40 lbs by accident or the fact that we are probably about the same weight.  I really don't want to hear it.  Then he wanted to know about work, and how I was able to pay bills since I haven't gotten a day of work yet this month- obviously a fun topic for me to talk about.  Then he wanted to use my computer to look up Russian airline tickets, and the kids are splashing in the pool, and chicken tenders are not a good meal! and and.....Raph better have been joking last night when he said he should start starving all day and then purging before shows and just bingeing afterwards.  He better not!  I wonder if that was upsetting me more than I though it was.  I'm gonna e-mail him right now, and find out, because it sounds positively absurd right now, and i know he couldn't possibly think that would work...but a little over a year ago when I started performing there, it actually seemed like a brilliant strategy, and I employed it until I crumbled, and beyond.