Oops! wow. I'm an addict.

First of all, I have to say how incredibly grateful I am that my current addictive behavior is relatively healthy...at least at the moment.  That said, I am so freakin' powerless over my exercise habits!  Last night I really recognized the value of surrendering control-giving up my extra workouts and activities.  I realized that I had to give up control at least for a little while, and I committed to do it today.  I deviated slightly at 9 am, but was honest about it.  At 5pm, I confessed to my sponsor that I had done tripple the assigned time on the treadmill.  I knew that I had strayed.  I knew what I was doing at the time, and I didn't really even try to justify it.  There was no point.  I just shut off my brain, and did what I wanted.  Then my sponsor asked me to make a commitment that I would be done exercising for the night.  "no problem! I'm going to a meeting, then having dinner and a movie with a friend, and then going to bed.  This is going to be easy, and I get to be the good kid for sticking to a commitment."  haha!  i--------was wrong.  I initiated a wrestling match in the living room during the movie.  And I'm laughing at it!  It all seems so silly and harmless, but the voice in my head that says it's OK to disregard my commitments, defy my coach, ignore my injuries, and force my will on everything is the same voice that justifies bingeing, purging, starving, and of course overexercising to a dangerous extreme far worse than what I'm doing now.  I've been there many times before, and no matter how many hours I spend training, it always tells me that it's not enough- that I can do more- that living room wrestling matches and walking on the treadmill don't count, so I can do more of something else, and roller blading and bicycling don't count either because they're fun outdoor time, and the other stuff I did wasn't at a high enough intensity, so I should probably do something else.  Just because it may actually be reasonable now doesn't make it OK.  The point is not whether it's reasonable or not.  The point is for me to let go- to stop controlling something that I have manipulated for ...7 years?  This is going to be really hard, and sometimes I don't feel committed, but other times I do.  And that's progress.