Listening to my Body

Since I began this recovery process, I've been trying to learn to listen to my body and take care of it.  I became aware that I rarely payed any heed to my feelings of fullness, and was completely incapable of even recognizing hunger.  So many years of trying not to eat and intentionally deluding myself into thinking that I didn't get hungary, and I didn't need food made me lose touch with the feeling.  I've been practicing paying attention to both of these things, and can actually stop eating when or before I'm full at least 1/3 of the time.  I also became aware that I was ignoring my body's exhaustion.  Determined to rise above humanity, I insisted that I could run on empty, workout 8 hrs/day, leave no time for rest or recovery, and still perform super-human feats.  Part of this process has been acknowledging when I feel tired, and taking the rest when I need it.  I'm getting better at that too...a lot better.  Today I realized another side of this.  I've been recovering from about 7 different injuries that I accumulated over 4-5 months while compulsively overexercising before beginning my current recovery program.  I'm doing a lot of physical therapy now, and only one is lingering, but I am constantly reminded by my coach not to go too hard or too fast, and if ANYTHING hurts, to stop.  "I can't feel it!", I tell him.  My pain tolerance is so high, that I could be doing all kinds of damage, and wouldn't feel a thing...or so I think.  Last night, I went a little harder, and became aware of a little grinding feeling in the joint, but said nothing, and continued the exercise.  Why would I hurt my body like that?  Why wouldn't I tell my coach?  Shouldn't I have celebrated the fact that I could feel, and taken care of my body?  yes!  but I didn't!  I think I have a lot of pride in my toughness, and the fact that I don't feel pain like other people do.  I didn't want to admit that I wasn't invincible, and I wanted to keep exercising.  The disease won that round, but I learned from it.  I've been finding that the more I listen to my body, and abide by what it tells me, the more aware and reasonable I become.  The cleaner I eat, the more clearly I can discern what foods make me feel good and which don't.  The more I listen to my hunger and fullness, the more I can feel them, and the more willing I am to listen to them.  If I rest when I'm tired, I am more energetic, efficient, and eager to return to my activities.  It's always hard at first, but it keeps getting better.