I've said before how I can't understand why my instructor can exercise compulsively for 69 years, and it works for him, but I do it, and I crumble. I thought he was just stronger and more stubborn, but the intent is different. I finally heard it last night. The difference is which part of it we're addicted to. I am addicted to making progress - getting better - improving. This can be in the form of losing weight, getting stronger, faster, more flexible, learning new tricks...as long as I can see that I'm getting better, and have quantifiable proof that I am increasing my worth. Not healthy. Good goals, but not a good thing to have your entire self worth centered in. You can't get better ALL of the time. It's a roller coaster, up and down, and what happens when I get old? Am I going to give up and be miserable once I've passed my prime and begin the downward slope? What about when I'm AT my prime, and can do amazing things, and I'm stronger and faster than I've ever been. Will I be incapable of enjoying it simply because I'm at a plateau? Because there will come a point in my life where I may not be getting better...at least not physically. How can he do it? He's 74, and he trains everyday as obsessively as I do...maybe even more. But he's not subject to the same frustration that cripples my workouts. I get devastated, and sometimes give up because I'm so much "worse" than I used to be, and can't handle the self-inflicted mental abuse. He reached his prime over 30 years ago, and his physical ability is declining, but he loves it. He still loves it. I think it's because he loves the feeling of pushing himself, of feeling the stretch and the burn, the endorphines. No matter what age or fitness level you're at, you're always capable of pushing yourself and feeling that high. Sports and exercise are for keeping you healthy and making you feel good. Not for punishing yourself and perfectionism. I love the endorphines and the games, but I'm addicted to the abuse and validation.