Get a Life

What does it mean to have a life?  I'm still not really sure, but as I get little glimpses of it, I will try to add to the list.  These are the examples that I've taken note of recently.

-getting together at a coffee shop to spend time catching up with a friend rather than to have coffee with milk and sweetner

-resting on a mountain top with a beautiful, and taking time to be with myself and nature.  feeling the sun on my skin and the wind in my hair.  Just being, and not worrying about how many things I have to do, or what I could be accomplishing if I didn't "have to wait here".

-dancing and acting crazy, and not worrying what other people think of you

-laughing at a joke, even if you don't know what others will think of you for laughing at it (this allowed me to connect with the person who made the joke)

-joking on friendly terms with the guy who was irritated with me for laughing at it.  (normally, I would have been afraid this would make him even madder, and I would have apologized, and slunk away.  My new, less inhibited reaction allowed me to connect with him as well, giving me 2 new friends and freedom from inhibitions)  

Telling my truth sends out an energy that attracts people who like me (or will once they get to know me).  It also repels those who wouldn't like me anyway.  Keeping things bottled up prevents me from offending anyone, but also from letting anyone get close to me.  It may not lose friends, but it never attracts them to me to begin with.  I wound up being neutral aquaintences with everyone, but being truly connected to No One.  No wonder I always felt like an outsider.

-being able to contact a friend I used to date, and not worry about what he will think this means.  I can trust that I will be true to myself, express my intentions clearly, and not allow myself to be compromised by anyone else.

-Being able to connect on some level with anyone I meet, and accept them for exactly who and what they are.  To enjoy whatever company I am in.

-To choose the friends that I most enjoy being with, and make an actual effort to spend time with them.  I don't have to worry that other people (who I don't like as much) will think I'm showing favoritism.  And I don't have to isolate from my friends in order to always do what I want to do.  

-to hang out with a guy or go on a first date without stressing about "what if he likes me more than I do, and I just want to be friends, and then I have to say something, and it gets awkward, and we can't even be friends anymore?"