Compulsive thoughts: The Red Herring

I didn't want to eat my 2nd meal today.  I knew I had to do it according to my food plan, and I didn't fight it, but I knew that one bite would be too much, and the whole fridge would never be enough.  I could just feel it.  I would have liked to just not eat to avoid the drama, but these are the situations we have food plans for.  When our heads are crazy, and we can't make that connection to our higher powers, we rely on the food plan to tell us what to do.  and it did.  I had my measured serving, and wanted more, but I stopped...cuz that's what the plan says to do.  I kinda wanted to purge.  Obviously not an option.  I could read an OA book on the treadmill...no.  I'm exhausted, and that sounds kinda compulsive.  Laxatives sounded really promising.  So did diet pills...but no...the cleansing herbal tea felt like it would be a really good solution.  Those all violate my abstinence though.  On my way to my computer, I kept catching glimpses of my reflection in the mirror.  I was intensely aware of rolls in my stomach, and was strongly compelled to look and see if they were there...to pick out all my good qualities, and weigh them against the bad.  See how I measured up.  What can be fixed.  It occurred to me that stepping on the scale would fix everything.  How silly!  It would be so easy to get caught up in all of this if I wasn't just reading about it last night and this morning.  About how the obsession with food and weight is just a smoke screen that we can latch onto to avoid facing the more difficult.  No matter how much it sucks to be preoccupied with weight, it always has a simple solution: lose weight.  The stuff I'm struggling with now...there's nothing to do about it.  I just have to accept it and how I feel about it.  There is no action to take, except maybe to write about it.  I'm gonna go do that with my sponsor.