One of the major things I am trying to learn in this program is time management, which seems really weird to me since I've been a master of utilizing time wisely since high school when I had to make sure no moment went to waste. Between school and training, every hour was booked, and I had to get all of my homework done on the bus and in the car, and during lunch and dinner. I definitely obsessed about it, and was extremely efficient until the predictable weekly nervous breakdown in which I concluded that there simply was not enough time to get everything done! I would panic and cry about it for about 5 minutes, and then buckle down, and generally succeed at whatever impossible task I was trying to accomplish. It was an extremely satisfying, but terribly stressful way of living, and it obviously took its toll. I mean...that's a big part of my disorder: perfectionism-having to do everything, and do it beyond well, right?
So when I say I'm working on time management, I'm learning how to make time for myself, so that I can live a more balanced life, not go berzerk! and hopefully accomplish more in the end anyway, because I won't have to waste time recovering from the extensive abuse I've given myself. But that's proving very hard. I don't mind scheduling in time to hang out with friends. I did a really good job of that last week. I relaxed by the pool, played some music and sang with friends, dated, watched movies...those things are important too...but I still have to get things done. And I've been doing that too. It's just that I used to sacrifice social time to make sure I always got enough sleep, and I don't know how to do both. And then I still have to have time for journaling, phone calls, and steps!? I have plenty to work on. that's for sure. I think I have to talk to my coach about how to make our gym time more condensed and efficient. He can be hard to compromise with sometimes, but it's gonna have to be done sooner or later. ugh. well obviously that's what I have to do since I TOTALLY DON'T WANT TO DO IT!!! (thanks Erin) So you know I will. It may be a few days....I have to strategize a little. I'll let ya know how it goes.
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Ok. I have a confession. I have said absolutely nothing to my coach about shorter more efficient workouts. Instead, I decided to take it upon myself to alternate sets of 2 different exercises, eliminating rest time between each set, and finishing in half the time. Today when he reprimanded me for my changes to his plan, rather than talk about it, explain my position or ask questions, and take direction, I halfway listened, got frustrated, and probably frustrated him. I have every intention of talking to him tonight.
Ha ha! I did it! I talked to my coach. It took a really long time, and we both repeated ourselves a lot, and I'm not entirely certain we have an understanding...yeah...honestly, I'm pretty sure we don't. That is probably why I really felt like eating at the end of our conversation, which is why I'm writing instead. I expressed that
-i don't like weights
-I don't want to bulk up
-we are spending an excessive amount of time lifting and resting between sets
-it's not healthy for a compulsive overexerciser to spend 7 hours/day in a gym
-I'm not interested in learning business, i don't want to work at the front desk, or ever own a gym
-i'm stressing out about not having enough time at home to take care of daily life, my career, or sleep
He explained:
-we are doing weights so I can maintain/build strength without endangering my recovering injuries
-we are using such low weight that I am not likely to bulk up
-I have to stick to his regamine to make sure that I'm toning my muscles in a balanced proportional way
-The rest time is as important as the exercises
-he needs me to be here as much as possible so he can be certain that I am not exercising or endangering myself elsewhere, and so that his energy can help heal me.
OK...maybe I was the only one who wasn't listening. Cuz now that I look at it, he pretty much directly addressed everything I asked him. Just because I didn't like the answers, and I have to listen to him, I decided he didn't get it. The only remaining conflict is how long I should be in the gym, but he actually said that I can make my schedule however I need to as long as i'm not doing any extra exercise. Wow. It's funny how much it was all twisted in my head until I wrote it all out. Thank God I blog when I'm uncomfortable now! life is so cool!
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